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Poly Means Many: Resolutions

January 5, 2015

Poly Means Many: There are many aspects of polyamory. Each month, the PMM bloggers will write about their views on one of them. Links to all posts can be found at www.polymeansmany.com

This month, the PMM bloggers have decided to talk about resolutions. Those things that we have decided to do or try, in order to be better partners and to have better relationships.

I’m going to be a bit lazy with how I do this post I’m afraid, as I’m in the middle of dealing with a whole load of healthcare and benefits stuff that is sapping a lot of my energy, and in order to retain enough that I can do even half the things I mention in this post, I will have to retain the energy I would otherwise use to make it into good prose.

So, here are some of the things I resolve to do this year to be the best partner I can be to my darling boys.

Ask for help
This is probably the biggest thing for me. I have a real tendency to not ask for help when I need it, and end up falling apart when I get to my limits. The same individualist tendencies which helped me deal well with jealousy have, on the other hand, made me very bad at seeing when I have overstretched myself and need to call in some help. Ultimately, my not asking for help ends up putting a bigger burden on my partners as they are then forced to pick up the pieces when I run out of energy. It’s not always easy to judge how much energy you have left, especially with fluctuating health conditions, of which I have several, but I’m going to try my best.

My loves, I am sorry. It might not always look like it, but I really am working on this!

Communicate, communicate, communicate!
Over 2014, our polyfamily had more instances than I can remember where one or other of us didn’t tell the others something really important. In one case it was (well done me) that I had started taking a new medication that I really shouldn’t have done, that led to an overnight A&E visit. On another occasion, two of the four of us only learnt about another’s overnight date plans as they were going out of the door (it was on a google calendar, but not any of the ones they could see). None of these instances (except maybe my spectacular medication miscalculation) were truly a problem, but they caused little wrinkles.

So yeah. This year, I’m going to try my best to be better at communicating. Better at asking questions ahead of time. At checking not only my diary but all of theirs too.

And I’m never doing that trick with the meds ever again!

Daily affection

Our family started out at two couples, and despite having lived together for over two years now, we still in many daily ways behave and look like two couples, not a foursome. This is one of those things that will obviously change over time, but one of the things that I have been trying to do recently, and am going to continue into the new year, is to try and show my affection as much for my other two partners as I do to my husband. Things like checking how they are when they get in from work. Offering drinks. Sharing jokes and silly kitten pictures we find on the internet. And all those other little daily interactions that build to a shared life.

There are always the big things. The important talks. The life changing decisions. But life is not just the big things, and I’ve noticed a tendency for me to offer and ask for more daily interactions with my husband than with my other two partners. And that’s something I’d like to change. Because honestly, when are more snuggles a bad thing?!

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