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November 7, 2013

I am currently menstruating. And I need to rant. Because menstruation fucking sucks. Let me tell you the ways.

For me, menstruation means pain, prescription painkillers, hot and cold flushes, frequent emptying of my mooncup so it doesn’t overflow onto my clothes, my loosest and least supportive (and therefore frumpiest) bra, massive fatigue and feeling like the wrong side of bed doesn’t even come close to describing the fucking problem I have with other human beings right now.

Sometimes, when people shit, they leave marks in the bowl of the toilet after they flush. Sometimes, when I empty my mooncup, I leave traces of blood in the toilet after I flush. My blood is not somehow magically more disgusting than your poop, and I will not rush to clean it for fear that confirmation of my possession of a bleeding uterus is somehow something shameful.

Yes, my mooncup is 1,000 times better than tampons and pads, but periods are still gloopy. I still get clots the size of my thumb and almost as solid. That shit hurts, and sometimes it doesn’t flush properly the first time.

Strangely, given that I’m currently hobbling back to the sofa, I’m not hugely fucking bothered about sticking around and checking if I need a second flush.

Yes, I am in pain. I am in a lot of pain. This is tiring and restricts my activities.

Yes, I am on painkillers. Plural. They are prescription because over the counter medication stopped helping years ago.

And if you fucking TRY to tell me that I am ‘medicalising a natural part of female experience’ I will cane your fucking arse for 5 days straight until you feel the level of pain I am in right now.

My painkillers come with side effects. They are not nice. And why the fuck does the medical establishment seem to have decided that with some ‘kind of okay I guess’ painkillers and a frankly insultingly invasive and not particularly wonderful array of hormonal treatments that often come with horrible side effects, that somehow it has solved the problems associated with menstruation? C’mon. You have all kinds of fancy shit for diabetes and heart disease (suffered by people who are likely to be on the funding boards of pharmaceutical companies) now how about pointing some of that funding our way?

(Some people may see parallels with sickle cell anaemia, also unlikely to be suffered by people on funding boards.)

And yes. My boobs are swollen. And this means I am wearing my least supportive bra. And I don’t give a shit how shallow it makes me, but when I look good, I feel better. Right now I don’t fit my clothes right, because compared to normal, my tits are about a mile in front of my shoulders and bouncing around my knees. This is not a good look.

Thank fuck for perfume, because about the only thing that’s going right today is that I smell amazing.


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One Comment
  1. Dani permalink

    Oh my goodness that last line sums up everything so well!

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