Where I’ve been
Bit of a catch up post. Recently, I’ve kind of been ill. Really ill. Like, for about the last 6 months or so. I’m fairly sure I’m still pretty ill, but am unable to adequately gauge it due to aforementioned ill. The variety of ill I’ve been and still am is anxious and depressed, although vast quantities of pharmaceuticals are helping. I’ve been doing a lot of that sitting about not doing very much and feeling guilty about it thing, which is kinda classic grade A depression, which I nevertheless quite successfully ignored for a long and unhealthy while.
I have theories about why I got depressed, but to be honest with you, given that about 6 months ago I had to quit the best job I’ve ever had working with people I was growing to love, it’s not really that hard to work it out. I have refrained from seeking out and brutally murdering the person responsible for me losing that job, which I think makes me a bigger person. Or something. Anyway. Turns out I gots me some Issues around employment and worth, and these have been doing their Being Issues thing. The relationship break up also didn’t help. Kinda knocked me on my heartbroken ass if I’m honest.
Anyway. This means that for a few months, I’ve been being a lot quieter than usual on the twitters, and I’ve not been really keeping up with most of the things that, usually, I like to keep up with. I know that there are a lot of things going on in the Big Wide World that could be the reason that I’ve disengaged slightly, but they’re not the reason. The reason is in my head and my heart.
I still love you. All of you. Yes, even you. Especially you in the back, hiding in your hoodie and convincing yourself that I couldn’t possibly mean you – I love you the most.