I have had an epiphany today. Not a nice one.
I'm really ill.
Like, really, really ill right now.
I've been behaving and thinking like I'm essentially okay, am only a little bit ill and have this occasional inconvenience. But I'm supposed to have been in work eight days over the last two weeks. I've been in three. On Monday I'm going into hospital for a two night stay during which I will be constantly connected to an EEG machine, trying to figure out what's going on.
I'm really ill. And I hate it. I hate my body for being weak.
That's all. Nothing long today. Just depressing realisation and resultant self-loathing.
Fuck my life.